Essay editing

Essay Question

Second Draft   
This draft should successfully demonstrate a careful application of peer feedback, instructor feedback, and revision. The final research paper should be a complete argument, with examples and research to provide evidence for the overall claim as well as all supporting claims, and a move toward exploring the significance of this argument. It should be well-developed and free of careless errors.

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o    At least 1,200 words in length, including thesis and an answer to the ‘so what?’ question

o    Uploaded to you Digital Portfolio for submission

TIPS

    • It is highly encouraged that you include pictures of your community, primary documents, audio recordings—anything you feel will give your reader a better picture of your selected discourse community.
    • Consider your rhetorical situation, including the audience, when you’re translating this community for your paper. Consider how you would feel if a member of the community you profile were to read your paper—would they feel accurately represented?
    • Think about storytelling: this paper shouldn’t be an info dump of everything you learned. Think about the examples of profiles we look at together, and be thoughtful in how you structure yours.

 

Professor feedback(that is what she wants us to do changes in our essay)

I think it great that you included a picture! This will be perfect for your digital portfolio. As for your written essay, try to not explicitly. Also, you should take the information that you gathered from your interviews and report on them instead of inserting your interview questions throughout your paper. It seems as though you are off to a good start with your research, but you are missing some aspects of Swales’s discourse community: experts and beginners, feedback, and lexis. You focus on other workers at oracle, but is there a hierarchy? What kind of feedback is documented? How do they gather feedback? What are other things they gather feedback for? How do they implement feedback to better achieve their goals? I’m sure there is a lexicon for computer science people who work at Oracle, but is there language that is specific to the workers ? As for your conclusion, see if you can think of a different point in addition to summarizing your main point: Why should someone outside of this class care about this discourse community? Overall, you are off to a good start with the research you have gathered.

 

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